by Joy Trachsel
When watching a movie or reading a good book, we all want a happy ending. We want to see the guy get his girl, the heroine save the world and the lonely heart find true love. In the midst of a mental breakdown I was desperately praying for a happy ending. I wanted to be "well" again. Notice that I didn't say "happy"? Even in the midst of dark days, I knew that a life of complete happiness was not possible or even promised. What I craved and wanted was a life that knew when emotions wavered, the peace of God could prevail. With all humility and profound praise I can share that I received my happy ending and give God ALL the glory.
I can look back at the time and now see the purpose for the pain. I can see God's hand throughout the dark days and can even say "thank you" for the refiners fire. I now know what it means to experience God in an intimate and personal way. I now know how it feels to allow friends and family to "carry you" and love beyond measure. I now know what it feels like to have a void shaped liked God and the foolishness of trying to numb the pain.
I now know what it feels like to trust and obey. It feels freeing. Do I still struggle with depression and anxiety? At times I feel like it is trying to rear its ugly head but with God's grace and strength I have a plan of attack.
I hope to share this plan and the tools in my arsenal on this blog at a later time. Today is about saying two things:
1) Nothing is impossible with God!!!
2) Trust and obey...there really is no other way.
The day I ran my celebratory 5K I needed to know that God was "in" this race and sharing my story was from Him. I prayed that He would reveal Himself to me with my bib number. Sounds silly but I needed to hear from Him in a way that was personal and only I would understand.
HE did... My bib number was 123. Tears welled up when I realized the significance. My healing process came as I stepped out on faith and took it one step a a time.
I took step 1, then step 2 and then step 3.
I am not sure what steps 4 through gazillion will look like, but I do know that I will prayerfully obey and follow.
God has made it clear that a huge part of my future ministry will be walking alongside those that are struggling with anxiety and depression. If this is you, let's do this together one step at a time.
Are you ready?